These Advice shared by A Dad That Helped Us as a New Parent

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

Yet the reality quickly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her chief support in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I handled every night time, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

After 11 months he burnt out. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct words "You're not in a good place. You must get some help. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While people is now better used to discussing the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, less is said about the difficulties new fathers go through.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider inability to talk between men, who often hold onto damaging ideas of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It isn't a show of being weak to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health surrounding childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially in front of a mum and baby - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to take a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the family home, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since having his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father found it hard to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor actions" when younger to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as escapism from the pain.

"You find your way to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They can temporarily change how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a New Dad

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a family member, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like the person you were before the baby arrived. It could be going for a run, seeing friends or gaming.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Know that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead give the safety and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions safely.

Each of Ryan and Stephen say they have become better, healthier men since they faced their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… processing things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I feel like my role is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are on this path."